As you may know, I’ve been removed from my task of hostessing the Shabbat fellowship that used to meet in my home. On the surface, the reason for that is my mother’s health. Deep down, I recognize another reason: the Lord is chastising me.
Some members of the group saw me as a leader since people were meeting in my home. I never saw myself that way until a lovely woman of God talked to me about “reluctant shepherds,” people God raises up to lead even though–and perhaps because–they have no natural talent or desire to be leaders. (That way, Christ gets all the glory!)
Since that time, I’ve been in a kind of leadership school of hard knocks. I learned that I cannot let compassion override my judgment. My beloved dog is now suffering with fleas and flea treatments because I didn’t have the heart disturb or destroy a bunny nest in my yard. Bunnies are cute, but they are filthy. I should have loved my dog enough to make a rational decision about removing the bunnies. I ended up hurting the one I love for the sake of one I like. Bad move. And I know it was a lesson about leadership in the Bible study, not about bunnies and my dog.
After that, I was reminded about the rod and the staff, something I may have posted about earlier on this blog: shepherds use that crook in two ways, to pull people back from danger and to kill enemies. And I know that has to do with leadership and the Bible study group–specifically that I would be pulling people, not “killing,” metaphorically cutting them off from fellowship.
And now I’ve been taken out of the way. There’s a correction that needs to be made privately, and I have neglected to do it. So much chaos has resulted! So I feel the Lord is putting me on the bench, putting me out of the way since I failed to lead when I was empowered to do it by Him, I cannot possibly follow the error I see, and the only alternative is to get out of the way, repent, and start anew, my own River Chebar experience, perhaps.
So I’m being chastised, and it’s not pleasant on the one hand, but I am extremely blessed on the other. Jesus is not done with me! I may fail him, but he will never fail me, leave me, or forsake me. And for that I am overwhelmingly grateful.
Thank you, Lord, for saving my soul
Thank you, Lord, for making me whole
Thank you, Lord, for giving to me
Thy great salvation so full, so free!